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The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

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NPR SciFri Book Club Pick

Next Big Idea Club's "Top 21 Psychology Books of 2022"

Behavioral Scientist Notable Books of 2022

A renowned grief expert and neuroscientist shares groundbreaking discoveries about what happens in our brain when we grieve, providing a new paradigm for understanding love, loss, and learning.

In The Grieving Brain, neuroscientist and psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, gives us a fascinating new window into one of the hallmark experiences of being human. O’Connor has devoted decades to researching the effects of grief on the brain, and in this book, she makes cutting-edge neuroscience accessible through her contagious enthusiasm, and guides us through how we encode love and grief. With love, our neurons help us form attachments to others; but, with loss, our brain must come to terms with where our loved ones went, or how to imagine a future without them. 

The Grieving Brain addresses:

  • Why it’s so hard to understand that a loved one has died and is gone forever
  • Why grief causes so many emotions—sadness, anger, blame, guilt, and yearning
  • Why grieving takes so long
  • The distinction between grief and prolonged grief
  • Why we ruminate so much after we lose a loved one
  • How we go about restoring a meaningful life while grieving

Based on O’Connor’s own trailblazing neuroimaging work, research in the field, and her real-life stories, The Grieving Brain combines storytelling, accessible science, and practical knowledge that will help us better understand what happens when we grieve and how to navigate loss with more ease and grace. 

Editorial Reviews

Review

"For those who want to understand what’s happening to them and why grief is so confounding, this is a fascinating and comforting read.”  — Oprah Daily

“[A]n insightful book…fascinating look at what goes on inside our minds when we lose someone special.”
Wake-Up Call, Katie Couric Media

“This book has helped so many who are grasping to make sense of loss, and I recommend it now, hoping that it will offer insights, solace, or even answers.”
Amanda Stern, How to Live (blog)

The Grieving Brain is a probing exploration into the science of grief and grieving. We are given an opportunity to view loss in a new way. If you have felt the pain of a loss and wondered if it will ever get better, O'Connor shows how the brain can help heal.” — Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Change

“A pioneer of the neuroscience of grief, O'Connor lays out in simple prose how we try to make sense of the impossible conundrum of loss. Anyone who's been through a loss or just wants to know how bereavement works, this is the book for you.” — George Bonanno, author of The End of Trauma

"We will all be touched by loss. To understand grief is to understand a fundamental human experience. This book is a powerful and comprehensive exploration of grief, the best I have read.”  — Roshi Joan Halifax, PhD, pioneer in the end-of-life care field and author of Standing at the Edge and Being with Dying

“Absorbing and wise, The Grieving Brain offers insights and coping mechanisms for those of us who have peered up from the depths of grief and wondered, why does this hurt so much? How can I make a meaningful life for myself now?”  — Maryanne O’Hara, author of Little Matches

"The Grieving Brain answered fascinating questions that I would not have thought to ask. State-of-science studies, fun facts and fascinating insights kept me turning pages and losing track of time."  — Ira Byock, MD, active emeritus professor, Dartmouth Geisel School of Medicine, author of Dying Well and The Best Care Possible

“[C]lear, confirming, compassionate, beautifully readable …”

Mad In America

About the Author

Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss and Social Stress (GLASS) Lab, investigating the effects of grief on the brain and the body. Her book The Grieving Brain was included on Oprah’s list of Best Books to Comfort a Grieving Friend. O’Connor holds a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Arizona and completed a post-doctoral fellowship in psychoneuroimmunology at the UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. Having grown up in Montana, she now lives in Tucson, Arizona.

Review:

4.9 out of 5

98.46% of customers are satisfied

5.0 out of 5 stars Good book

D.L.P. · June 9, 2025

(function() { P.when('cr-A', 'ready').execute(function(A) { if(typeof A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel === 'function') { A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel('review_text_read_more', 'Read more of this review', 'Read less of this review'); } }); })(); .review-text-read-more-expander:focus-visible { outline: 2px solid #2162a1; outline-offset: 2px; border-radius: 5px; } As a psychologist of 35 years, I liked the conceptualization. The idea of cognitive maps is an interesting means of conceptualizing grief, reminds me of the work of Tolman.

5.0 out of 5 stars An exceptional book that brings wisdom to the grieveing process.

K.C. · May 22, 2025

The author provides interesting insight to how the brain functions during grieving. The result is numerous ways to help one to grieve in a positive way so as to openes doors to comfort peace and understanding.

5.0 out of 5 stars Gave me peace yo move forward.

B.H.D. · May 7, 2025

I am a widow for 8 mos and this book was so enlightening and so helped my grieving process. Amazing book and HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!

4.0 out of 5 stars A scientific approach with little deviation

C.M. · February 24, 2024

Of course, with a title like this, one expects a scientific analysis and this book delivers. The author goes from broad terminology all the way to an abundance of details, which I appreciated. What I liked about the book is that the reader not be experiencing a death to be grieving. The gamut of feelings still occur and, as a man going through a breakup, I was curious to learn the science. It’s a good length so as to avoid too much repetition but there’s a little bit of that. Grief is different for everyone, but the chemical and biological reactions in the brain are described as very similar which gave me comfort. Sometimes hearing a detailed “why” makes things easier, even if marginally.

5.0 out of 5 stars Valuable Book

L.M.Z. · May 3, 2025

Fantastic information. Well-written and very readable. Wonderful addition to grief research.

5.0 out of 5 stars I was sad when I reached the end...it's that good

A.H. · April 24, 2023

OK, where to start?I lost my wife of 34 years suddenly and unexpectedly almost a year ago. We had a healthy and happy life, and her loss was devastating. Though I was able to be functional enough to take care of my needs, many days seemed to be little more than enduring until the next day. Early on, I read a great book titled, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" by Noel and Blair, which helped me. That book was designed to help people who are grieving in the aftermath of the sudden loss of a loved one.A few months ago, I heard about this book, and enthusiastically ordered a copy. It is NOT a self-help book, or guide to grieving or anything like that. This book is different. It's written by one of the leading researchers in the field of clinical psychology and neurobiology, and focuses on what we now know about how the brain changes as we develop a relationship, and how the brain reacts when that relationship is lost.Maybe it's because I am a scientist, but the way O'Connor lays out what we know, how we know it, and what it means was like light after light going on for me as I continued the process of grieving and recovering from the effects of the loss of my wife.While the entire book was interesting and enlightening, I found direct connections between what she writes about and what I have been experiencing, and this book helped me put my experiences into context - a great help, you might even say a great blessing.One thing that surprisingly helped me more than I could have imagined was a 4-page section about insomnia, why it happens, what happens when that happens, and what to do about it. That took away all kinds of stress as I prepared for bed each night. While I may now wake up from time to time more than before my wife passed away, I now sleep much better than I did before reading this book.I can't say enough good about this book, and what it's helped me understand about what my brain is going through in it's best efforts to keep up with what happened and what is happening.I'm now half-way through my second read of this book.5 stars

5.0 out of 5 stars very informative

M.J.G. · March 27, 2025

So much information and insight on a subject that we would prefer to ignore. Very helpful in understanding the complexity of living and coping.

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book

D. · March 15, 2025

I facilitate a grief support program and this book helps explain the science behind grief. It’s an excellent book.

Brilliant book!

K.B. · March 20, 2025

(function() { P.when('cr-A', 'ready').execute(function(A) { if(typeof A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel === 'function') { A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel('review_text_read_more', 'Read more of this review', 'Read less of this review'); } }); })(); .review-text-read-more-expander:focus-visible { outline: 2px solid #2162a1; outline-offset: 2px; border-radius: 5px; } Brilliant book... very accessible and gives the science behind what's happening in your brain when you grieve. I found it extraordinarily helpful.

Sehr hilfreich!

T. · March 31, 2025

Tolles Buch, ich habe viele neue Erkenntnisse bekommen! Obwohl es noch nicht auf Deutsch vorliegt, war es einfach zu verstehen. Klar formuliert, gut strukturiert, kein überkandiedeltes englisches Vokabular.

The Best Grief Help

D. · June 2, 2025

Another fabulously informative book from this author. Enjoyed reading through it learning the signs of grieving and how to help myself. Mostly it helped me to realize that what I was experiencing was normal. It helped me through a very rough time. Thank you to the author. A+++

Great read

J. · June 25, 2024

A really factual look into how the brain processes grief. I found it really helpful in understanding the “why” behind the emotion. Thanks for sharing this with the world.

helps the grieving process

M.P. · January 20, 2025

really helped

The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

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BHD9790

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