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The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

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NPR SciFri Book Club Pick

Next Big Idea Club's "Top 21 Psychology Books of 2022"

Behavioral Scientist Notable Books of 2022

A renowned grief expert and neuroscientist shares groundbreaking discoveries about what happens in our brain when we grieve, providing a new paradigm for understanding love, loss, and learning.

In The Grieving Brain, neuroscientist and psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, gives us a fascinating new window into one of the hallmark experiences of being human. O’Connor has devoted decades to researching the effects of grief on the brain, and in this book, she makes cutting-edge neuroscience accessible through her contagious enthusiasm, and guides us through how we encode love and grief. With love, our neurons help us form attachments to others; but, with loss, our brain must come to terms with where our loved ones went, or how to imagine a future without them. 

The Grieving Brain addresses:

  • Why it’s so hard to understand that a loved one has died and is gone forever
  • Why grief causes so many emotions—sadness, anger, blame, guilt, and yearning
  • Why grieving takes so long
  • The distinction between grief and prolonged grief
  • Why we ruminate so much after we lose a loved one
  • How we go about restoring a meaningful life while grieving

Based on O’Connor’s own trailblazing neuroimaging work, research in the field, and her real-life stories, The Grieving Brain combines storytelling, accessible science, and practical knowledge that will help us better understand what happens when we grieve and how to navigate loss with more ease and grace. 

Review

"For those who want to understand what’s happening to them and why grief is so confounding, this is a fascinating and comforting read.”  — Oprah Daily

“[A]n insightful book…fascinating look at what goes on inside our minds when we lose someone special.”
Wake-Up Call, Katie Couric Media

“This book has helped so many who are grasping to make sense of loss, and I recommend it now, hoping that it will offer insights, solace, or even answers.”
Amanda Stern, How to Live (blog)

The Grieving Brain is a probing exploration into the science of grief and grieving. We are given an opportunity to view loss in a new way. If you have felt the pain of a loss and wondered if it will ever get better, O'Connor shows how the brain can help heal.” — Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Change

“A pioneer of the neuroscience of grief, O'Connor lays out in simple prose how we try to make sense of the impossible conundrum of loss. Anyone who's been through a loss or just wants to know how bereavement works, this is the book for you.” — George Bonanno, author of The End of Trauma

"We will all be touched by loss. To understand grief is to understand a fundamental human experience. This book is a powerful and comprehensive exploration of grief, the best I have read.”  — Roshi Joan Halifax, PhD, pioneer in the end-of-life care field and author of Standing at the Edge and Being with Dying

“Absorbing and wise, The Grieving Brain offers insights and coping mechanisms for those of us who have peered up from the depths of grief and wondered, why does this hurt so much? How can I make a meaningful life for myself now?”  — Maryanne O’Hara, author of Little Matches

"The Grieving Brain answered fascinating questions that I would not have thought to ask. State-of-science studies, fun facts and fascinating insights kept me turning pages and losing track of time."  — Ira Byock, MD, active emeritus professor, Dartmouth Geisel School of Medicine, author of Dying Well and The Best Care Possible

“[C]lear, confirming, compassionate, beautifully readable …”

Mad In America

About the Author

Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss and Social Stress (GLASS) Lab, investigating the effects of grief on the brain and the body. Her book The Grieving Brain was included on Oprah’s list of Best Books to Comfort a Grieving Friend. O’Connor holds a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Arizona and completed a post-doctoral fellowship in psychoneuroimmunology at the UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. Having grown up in Montana, she now lives in Tucson, Arizona.

Review:

5.0 out of 5

100.00% of customers are satisfied

5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant book!

K.B. · 20 March 2025

(function() { P.when('cr-A', 'ready').execute(function(A) { if(typeof A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel === 'function') { A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel('review_text_read_more', 'Read more of this review', 'Read less of this review'); } }); })(); .review-text-read-more-expander:focus-visible { outline: 2px solid #2162a1; outline-offset: 2px; border-radius: 5px; } Brilliant book... very accessible and gives the science behind what's happening in your brain when you grieve. I found it extraordinarily helpful.

5.0 out of 5 stars Well worth reading

M. · 25 January 2024

This is thoroughly recommended for anyone suffering bereavement or close to someone suffering - I belief it will help.Heart wrenching in places but very useful in understanding the process the brain goes through.

5.0 out of 5 stars A brilliant read

A. · 19 July 2024

A fantastic read which is proving to be so helpful in the grief journey of my clients

5.0 out of 5 stars Valuable research from a compassionate scientist.

C.W. · 26 May 2024

I heard a talk by the author and wanted to read a fuller account of her work .

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended

l. · 11 November 2022

Mary-Frances O'Connor. is one of the pioneers of the study of the neurology of grief through mapping the grieving brain using functional MRI scans. She has published many scientific papers, but this book is for people who are grieving , and are perhaps confused by their feelings, thoughts and actions. Only a truly great scientist who really understands their subject, could write with such clarity for a general audience. Her explanations for our grief and grieving are both surprising and reassuring.Mary-Frances writes openly and honestly about her own grief and depression, and about her personal relationships. Yet it's not egocentric, it reaches out to others with passion and humour, set in the context of how our grieving brains work. Her enthusiasm for teaching others shines out of the pages - the teacher we all wished we'd had. As someone who also teaches about grief and writes books, this is much appreciated.

5.0 out of 5 stars A must for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one

L.M. · 3 August 2024

Learned a lot from this book. You can also find her videos on You Tube.

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful book

J.W. · 31 July 2022

This is a quite brilliant book to read if you have recently been bereaved or suffered loss. It helped me hugely and I’m about to read it a second time.

5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful

M.P. · 4 April 2022

I have not finished reading this yet, but for me it is being very helpful for me to understand how my brain is working now, after losing my partner whom I loved very deeply all the years she was with me. It contains detailed reasons why I feel as I do and helps me to understand my feeling,and how to react to them.

Sehr hilfreich!

T. · 31 March 2025

(function() { P.when('cr-A', 'ready').execute(function(A) { if(typeof A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel === 'function') { A.toggleExpanderAriaLabel('review_text_read_more', 'Read more of this review', 'Read less of this review'); } }); })(); .review-text-read-more-expander:focus-visible { outline: 2px solid #2162a1; outline-offset: 2px; border-radius: 5px; } Tolles Buch, ich habe viele neue Erkenntnisse bekommen! Obwohl es noch nicht auf Deutsch vorliegt, war es einfach zu verstehen. Klar formuliert, gut strukturiert, kein überkandiedeltes englisches Vokabular.

The Best Grief Help

D. · 2 June 2025

Another fabulously informative book from this author. Enjoyed reading through it learning the signs of grieving and how to help myself. Mostly it helped me to realize that what I was experiencing was normal. It helped me through a very rough time. Thank you to the author. A+++

Good book

D.L.P. · 9 June 2025

As a psychologist of 35 years, I liked the conceptualization. The idea of cognitive maps is an interesting means of conceptualizing grief, reminds me of the work of Tolman.

Great read

J. · 25 June 2024

A really factual look into how the brain processes grief. I found it really helpful in understanding the “why” behind the emotion. Thanks for sharing this with the world.

helps the grieving process

M.P. · 20 January 2025

really helped

The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

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